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" I know it was fuckin stupid, but I hung up the phone and she said tryin to straighten up the tears from her face "your not going to call the cops?" and said looking into her eyes and same the same time taking an out of the blue stupid dumb-ass chance "I'd rather make love to you instead".Fortunately, it actually happened we both went to my bedroom and before I got started she asked me "aren't you put down your bat?" and I said "I'll think about it" so first thing she did, she kissed me. Two best friends of six years, two people that had joked about baby names and growing old together, two people who had known each other and knew each other best would begin to undo it all.I don’t know if he ever held me tighter than that night. I don’t know that I ever dreaded a new day more. At the end, he reached for me and I said no and he was gone.For months after I felt haunted by all the things I hadn’t said, as if a few magic words could have been the code that would have kept us. After thatshe went downhill very fast, losing her hair to the attempts at treatment.Despite her doctor's advice, she started drinking alcohol near the end todull the pain, and died only a couple of months after being diagnosed.I could hear my mother crying in the next room and decided that she mustbe even more upset then I was at losing Emma. She had wanted to cremateEmma so that at least she could have her ashes by her bed, but it wasEmma's wish that her body be spared that fate and given a. I tried to put the thought out of my head as the services started, butevery time I would glance Paul's way, he was looking at me again. He'dthen quickly turn away when I caught him, but it didn't take long beforehe turned back to stare at me. After church, just after I had stepped outside, I found him waiting forme. The frown that I had seen earlier wasn't present on his face, but Icould still see some contention there. At least that seemed like animprovement. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
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